I turned 27 years old 2 months ago. I have been taking some time to think about what that means. Previously, it had meant almost nothing - just another day. That is how it has always been for me.

27 I think has a little more significance this time because it marks the fifth year after 22, when I graduated from university. Whenever you get to these nice round numbers, I think you should set some time aside for reflection - sort of like the reflection I did for the resume post but extending beyond just career and skill development. For 27, I want to reflect on 5. The 5 years behind me and the 5 ahead.

Because I am always looking to have fun with these blog posts, I am going to try to mix it up by framing the rest of this post as a self-interview.

####Did I live the last five years of my life the way I want to live the next five?

The answer is no. Not because I have a lot that I am woefully looking back on in the past five years of my life - I actually don’t have much to be regretful over (though there are certainly a few stocks that I wish I invested in back then). I feel more like, it seems that something inside me or around me is feeling that it has been enough - causing things to slow down. The curve has been slowing down, and that bothers me a bit.

It feels weird to think that I am only 27% of the way through a potentially 100 year life span, and things have already started to solidify for me. It bothers me. There is still so much that feels ahead of me. I feel like I have gone so very little distance in the long five years that I have had.

So there is that. The question now then becomes, what should I do about it?

What Do I Want To Keep? Leave Behind?

Do I have to have had it at the beginning of my 5 years if I want to keep it? Is it okay for me to have already lost it (or partially lost it) at the end of the 5? For what it is worth, I answer my own question with ‘Whatever you want’.

What I want to leave behind, in no particular order:

• My selfishness, my tendency to say no to people when they risk themselves to ask me participate with them, my tendency to say no to people who need my help (whether that help be financial or even just to help clean something up)
• My inner unhappiness and uncertainty, my need to have other people tell me what is obvious on the outside just so that I can get over some arbitrary block inside my own mind, my need for someone - even someone who shouldn’t matter - to say “okay”
• My workaholicism - I remember two years ago coming home from work because I stayed late again and sitting by myself in a Carl’s Jr. eating a burger because there is no dinner waiting at the apartment I was renting. Nobody around and quiet for the television quietly playing a music video of Emelie Sande’s “Next to Me”. I turned down friends and experiences because I had to - would rather - work. I hate this part of myself. I have a coworker who tells me that I remind her of her father. He is a successful lawyer, but is divorced and lives alone because of his work. We do make laughter of these connections, but in my heart of hearts, it scares me. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to die that way.

What I want to keep, again in no particular order:

• Generosity - It feels nice to see your stock portfolio gain 1-2% in a single day. It feels kinda nice to cover someone’s lunch without them expecting it. It feels even nicer to go out on a lazy afternoon to the mall to give six orders of boba tea and bring it back to everyone just because. Giving away my money is nice, but giving away my time and effort feels even better. I don’t believe that there is going to be much of me left behind in the world when I go, but what does remain, I wish it to be the “petty little unsexy” things that made someone happier that day even if it is just for a moment.
• A joy for learning - I like working on interesting things but one of the contaminants that I think have been encroaching on that joy has been a sort of MBA-ish, mousy-mousy need to “monetize”. An attitude that is sort of like, “hey Jonathan your time is so valuable, why aren’t you working on something that can really make you money?” I wrote a book about the Korean movie Oldboy because I loved writing it. I learned iOS programming because seeing my own app running on my own iPhone made me giddy. I want to keep this close to my heart because I believe that joy is one of the few genuine things in my life.
• Small moments when I suddenly gain enough mindfulness to be able to look at it right in the moment and realize that I would remember it for a long time from now

Is it too cliche to say that I want to move away from a life of “things” and “having” to a life defined more by “people” and “giving”? Is that too “Eat Love Pray”? Well too bad.

####What Do I Want?

So many things in life can change. The people in your lives, the tasks at your job, the things you desire, and the lovers you love. To me it feels useless to tell you such things because it would reflect just my own desires at a single point in time. In just 1 year’s time - let alone 5 - I am certain that it will all be turned around again.

But what I do think can and should not change about myself is the values behind each of them. That I think should not change, and should never. So let’s talk about what these guiding stars are for me as I write right now.

• Career - Really the easiest part because I have answered this question a lot to many people who were curious. I do not particularly value the “purpose” of a job, their “great mission”. It does not motivate me much at all. What motivates me are the people I work with as well as the challenge, diversity, and freedom/flexibility that the job entails. I like working on interesting problems and have the flexibility to attack those problems.
• People - I want to expand the network of people around me, but in a deeper way than just making more friends. I want to make closer friends - friends whose lives I can make some sort of meaningful impact. I want to open up to these people more, and be more than just someone who knows a lot of things or who just makes them laugh. You make a lot of friends in your life, but only a few are with you for a long time - and you never know what circumstances dictate who stays and who is out. I want to be dedicated to each of them, and give each of them the best chance to stick around.
• Money - This used to be my everything. The one thing that I optimized for in the past five years of my life. In the next five years I want to let more of that go in the name of generosity, mindfulness, and moving to be more “people” oriented. I am going to save less, and I am going to spend more on things that I think will matter. Lasik, a new wardrobe, etc. Just the little things that I have never cared for before because I needed to save that last dollar. Though I might need it for the next thing on the list …
• Home - My friend Jenny has made this one of her priorities and I agree with it. I have a nice living arrangement right now but it does not feel like my actual home. Your home is a place you can feel totally comfortable and too many times I spend my afternoons and contemplative times out at a coffee shop.

####So What Are You Going To Do Starting Tomorrow?

I have career counseling sessions with a few members of the senior team. In one of them, I heard something that I really resonated with me: “You want to keep yourself as general for as long as you can, because you never know what sort of opportunity will arise.” It jives with something else a friend of mine heard at a job fair and echoed to me: “Don’t make long term plans.”

Let’s start simple here then. On a day to day basis, I want to be more mindful - I want to be able to reach out to new people and prevent myself from hurting the important relationships that I already have with the people around me.

From someone famous I heard that while you cannot do anything to create opportunities, you can make yourself more receptive to taking advantage of them when they happen. Instead of investment, I want to apply this in a different way: To be able to prepare myself for opportunities to be generous. I want to get better at a certain number of skills - listening, reading more deeply, and making people laugh without tearing them down. I want to be ready to be good to people. I want to be ready to make a splash in people’s lives, no matter how small.